


Wide Awake

by FarAwayInWonderland



Series: The Mundane and The Warlock [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood-centric, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Coming Out, Friendship, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, No underage, POV Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 07:31:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14744567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarAwayInWonderland/pseuds/FarAwayInWonderland
Summary: One wrong turn found fourteen-year-old Alexander Lightwood lost and stranded in Brooklyn.Fortunately for him it was Elaine Lewis who found him wandering the streets and not some hungry demon.OR:The fic where Alec meets Simon Lewis (and Magnus Bane) much earlier than he did in the show.Although part of a series, this fic can be read on its own.





	Wide Awake

**Author's Note:**

> **Important Notice:** While this story is part of a series, it can be read on its own. The only thing you need to know is that Simon and Magnus met when the former was around six-years-old. If you want to know more, you can read the first part of the series ["Doors That Lead To Magic"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6551986). Otherwise you can just continue.

Even though Alec had lived his whole life in New York he didn’t know the city very well.

He was fourteen years old, was one of the best Shadowhunter trainee the Clave had ever seen (except for Jace, who was a prodigy when it came to all things physical, but Alec didn’t mind) and yet in all of his years living in the New York Institute he could count on one hand the occasions on which he had been allowed to leave the building unsupervised.

It was ridiculous! There he was, training to kill demons – the most dangerous beings in existence – and protect the Clave and the Downworld even with his own life, but his own parents wouldn’t even let him take the subway. It was as if they couldn’t see the capable fighter he had become but were still only seeing their precious little boy which they needed to protect at all cost. But Alec didn’t need protection, hadn’t needed it in a long time, but if he just stayed at home he would never have the chance to prove it.

That wasn’t the reason why he was out here, though, riding the subway to Angel knows where, staring straight ahead at the countless advertisements sticking at the subway car’s walls. People would hop on and off, an anonymous crowd amidst which Alec could vanish. Just another face. Just another story. No one cared that he was just a boy, no one cared who his parents were or what they had done. No one cared that was supposed to have weapons training with Hodge tomorrow as early as the sun was rising.

No one cared that he was wrong inside.

Between Fulton Street and High Street there had been two men sitting opposite of Alec. They had been holding hands, while one man’s head had been resting on the other’s shoulders. It was only a small, innocent gesture – yet so full of love and commitment – but it managed to make Alec’s inside churn with something he couldn’t decipher. A sort of painful longing in his gut, a twinge of desire in his heart, a cold shiver of regret running down his spine.

They could sit there and have each other while no one around them even bat an eye. They could hold hands without having to justify themselves to anyone. They could just be themselves and Alec had to close his eyes to supress the tears when the longing became too strong.

He would never have what those two men had. He would never just be able to take Jace’s hand and just hold it. He would never be able to kiss him, to embrace him like he wanted to, he would never be able to just rest his head on the other boy’s shoulder while they just talked to each other, basking in each other’s presence. He would never be able to just be himself without fear of anyone judging him for it.

Jace would be disgusted with him if he knew. His parents would look at him with a disapproving frown and cold eyes, instantly beginning at covering it up. Isabelle would scream at him for breaking apart their family and Max would cry because he wouldn’t what was going on.

Alec couldn’t destroy his family and their legacy, not after his parents had worked so hard to get them on the Clave’s good side again. Mother had said that she was close to getting their banishment revoked.

So, Alec just sat there and when the men got off the train he wondered if they were going home, maybe to an apartment they were living in together, having dinner and reading together like he imagined normal couples would do. Like his parents sometimes did. Like he never would.

Alec didn’t know where exactly he got off the subway, but when he finally stood on the street again he was nearly overwhelmed by the impressions all around him. Even though the Institute was in Manhattan, it was surrounded by parks and quiet resident areas, which sometimes made you forget that you were in one of the world’s busiest cities. Wherever Alec was now, it was the complete opposite.

Even though it was night, the street was full of cars, their engines roaring, honking at each other while some of their drivers even leaned out of their windows and screamed at each other. The sidewalk was full of people of all kind, wearing clothes in countless different styles, most of which Alec had never seen, while they either talked with each other or to their phones. Like an unstoppable flood they moved across the pavement and carried away everything that didn’t go with the flow. Alec had to press himself against the nearest wall so that he wouldn’t constantly walk into someone.

It was overwhelming; it was new and Alec didn't know if he should be afraid or delighted. He settled on healthy scepticism (a speciality of his, at least according to his sister) as he slowly walked along the street, observing the people around him and looking through the shop windows into what laid behind.

It was a new world and Alec was the one to discover it. He was so enraptured by everything that surrounded him that he didn’t even pay attention to where he was going. His parents would scold him for that mistake, telling him that a Shadowhunter never let their concentration waver, never let anyone or anything distract them, but suddenly Alec stood at a crossing and didn’t know where he had come from. Every street looked the same, people and cars coming from everywhere, loud sounds disorientating and confusing him.

Suddenly the people in all their different clothing weren’t interesting anymore, but alien and threatening. The flashy signs no longer welcoming but warning instead. Alec could feel his heart beating faster and faster while his breath became shallow. He pressed himself against the nearest wall, closed his eyes and just tried to get his traitorous body back under control.

“Hey, are you alright?” Alec looked up and stared into the worried face of a mundane woman. Her brown eyes shone with warmth, while her mouth was pressed into a thin line, as if she was simultaneously approving and disapproving. She wore a black blazer, which was unbuttoned, showing the white blouse underneath. The rest of her business ensemble was completed by black pants and black high heels.

“Are you lost?” the woman asked gently. Alec just nodded.

“Do you have a way to contact your parents?” the woman continued. “A number?” Alec just shook his head. As far as he knew the Institute did have a phone number – but he wasn’t supposed to give it out to random strangers on the streets. Besides, he didn’t know the number anyway. “An address?” That was something Alec could tell her.

“That’s in Manhattan,” the woman pointed out with a frown on her face. “How did you get here, then? Were you subway hopping?” Alec felt like shrinking into himself under the woman’s disapproving stare. “The last time my son did that, I had to collect him from the Bronx.” She shook her head in exasperated fondness. Alec’s mother never did something like that. “Look, I need to get home to my children. Why don’t you come with me, get something to eat and then we’ll bring you home. How’s that sound?”

Alec looked at the woman: She seemed sincere in her want to help him and didn’t look dangerous. Hodge always told them to listen to their instincts, and Alec’s instincts didn’t scream at him to run away. And even if she would turn out to be dangerous, Alec had his daggers hidden on his body and his runes to protect him.

So, he just nodded. The woman reciprocated his smile and stretched out her hand.

Alec just looked at the hand with confusion.

“You’re supposed to take it,” the woman laughed. “So you don’t get lost again. I know, I know, if you’re the same as my son you probably think it’s embarrassing, but it’s still better than getting lost again, isn’t it?”

Hesitantly, Alec took the offered hand and then they were already on their way.

“My name is Elaine,” the woman told him. “And my kids are Rebecca and Simon. I’m sure they’re gonna be thrilled to get to know you. What’s your name?”

“Alec,” he mumbled.

“That’s a beautiful name,” Elaine replied. “Is it short for Alexander?” Alec just nodded.

“So, Alec, what were you doing in Brooklyn so late at night?” Elaine wondered as they crossed the street.

“I was just driving around in the subway,” he replied.

“That’s pretty dangerous to do on your own,” Elaine frowned.

“You said your son does it, too,” Alec pointed out.

“Yeah, and he got in serious trouble for it,” Elaine told him. “So, only around this block and then we’re there.”

The place Elaine and her children lived in – Alec didn’t dare to ask if there was also a Mr. Elaine around – was a small but homely looking house surrounded by a small patch of garden. Light was burning behind the ground floor windows, allowing Alec to glimpse a little bit of what lied behind. Two bikes were lying on the grass, right next to the gravel path that lead from the small garden gate to the doorway. It was small and insignificant compared to the grandeur of the Institute, but to Alec it looked hundredfold more welcoming than the cold and imposing stonework of his home. It looked lived-in, taken care of, even if the grass was too long and the colour was already coming off the shutters. It looked like a home; like a shelter, a refuge.

Elaine rummaged in her purse until she got hold of the keys and opened the door. She was greeted by two excited shouts of “Mom!” while Alec awkwardly hung back in the doorway. The girl (Rebecca, Elaine had told him) looked like a younger version of her mouther while the boy (Simon then) took more after someone else, his father probably. Both of them shared the same expressive brown eyes with their mother, though.

“This is Alec,” Elaine introduced him. “I found him wandering around, apparently lost. He’ll eat with us and then I’ll bring him home.”

Rebecca just nodded shyly at him while a wide grin split Simon’s face.

“Finally, another man around here!” he exclaimed.

“You’re both, like, fourteen, so there’s still the same amount of men around here as always: Zero,” Rebecca shot back.

Simon clutched his chest theatrically: “Murdered by my own flesh and blood. Am I not safe here from even the deepest of betrayals?”

“Simon, why don’t you set the table,” Elaine commanded while she rolled her eyes at her son’s antics. “Rebecca, put your phone away!”

Setting the table in Elaine’s household was a chaotic and messy affair. Rebecca was constantly on her phone, typing the Angel knows what while Simon was constantly stumbling over something, nearly spilling the content of whatever he was carrying at the moment on the floor all the while Elaine tried to coordinate her two children so that whatever they were doing didn’t end in some sort of catastrophe.

“Can I help?” Alec asked.

“Jesus Christ!” Elaine exclaimed, clutching her heart. “You’re quieter than a mouse.” She took a deep, calming breath. “You can put this on the table. I don’t trust Simon with it.” The indignant yelp from the next room only made her laugh.

Alec couldn’t believe it, but they did manage to set the table and soon each of them was sitting on a chair around the wooden monstrosity that dominated much of the Lewis’ (that was their family’s name, Alec had learned) dining room. It was so unlike from what Alec knew: At home all of them ate in silence, posture straight and the only time the silence was broken when either of their parents asked a question. What new rune did they learn? How did weapons training go? What part of the Clave’s history did they cover in their lessons?

Most of the times Alec’s parents weren’t even there, though. On those days Izzy often tried to cook, which never ended well. Alec was convinced that his sister would burn water if it was possible. They always ended up plundering the fridge for whatever they could eat – sometimes they even ate ice cream for dinner. Those were one of his favourite memories.

Dinner in the Lewis’ household was completely different. Everyone was chatting animatedly, some (aka Simon) even while chewing. The boy emphasised his tales with wide gestures that Alec feared he would stab his sister sitting next to him with his fork.

“Where do you live?” Rebecca suddenly asked him out of the blue.

“Manhattan,” Alec replied.

“Well, then getting you home tonight will be quite impossible.”

“Why?” Elaine wanted to know.

“I just go the notification a while ago: A water pipe burst at Atlantic Avenue. There won’t be any trains running to Manhattan at least till tomorrow morning,” Rebecca told them. Elaine furrowed her brows.

“That’s unfortunate,” she finally spoke. “Alex, would it be alright for you to stay the night with us? I know that you’re parents are probably worrying themselves sick, but I see no way to get you home before tomorrow. I’ll get you back to your parents as soon as the subway’s running again, I promise.”

“It’s fine, I guess,” Alec shrugged. His parents were only coming back early tomorrow anyway, so if he was lucky they wouldn’t even notice that he had been away the whole night. Izzy would worry, though, and it made Alec feel bad, but it was not as he could pull a warlock out of his pocket and have them portal Alec back to the Institute.

“Slumber party!” Simon exclaimed excitedly, throwing his fist into the air.

“That’s unfair!” Rebecca whined. “I’ll never get to have a slumber party!”

“Maybe if you get yourself some friends you could have one, too!” Simon shot back. Rebecca threw her spoon at him. Alec just sat there, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights as the siblings bickered and fought.

“Stop, the two of you!” Elaine shouted. The children instantly stopped their fighting with their gazes turned down.

“Rebecca, of course you can have slumber parties, too, but you’re always going to your friends instead of inviting them over, so I don’t see the problem,” Elaine pointed out. “And you, Simon, stop antagonising your sister. Siblings need to stick together.” She turned her head and smiled at Alec. “I’m sorry you had to witness that. Usually, they’re a lot more better behaved when guests are present.” She glowered at her children.

“’s alright,” Alec mumbled. “I’ve got a sister, too.”

“Is she as annoying as Rebecca?” Simon asked. As if on command, the whole table turned back to squabbling again.

Alec thought it was kind of nice.

* * *

Later, Alec found himself in Simon’s room, lying on a mattress as he stared at the ceiling. Simon had lent him some of his clothes, so that Alec had something to sleep in. The clothes were a little on the small side as the other boy was more gangly than Alec, but otherwise he couldn’t complain. The room was dark, except for the light of the street lights outside that pierced through the gaps in the blinds.

“So,” Simon suddenly spoke from where he was lying on his bed, drawing out the ‘o’, as if he was expecting Alec to instantly grasp what he was getting at. “What is a Shadowhunter youngling doing on his own in Brooklyn?” 

Cold dread hit Alec light a lightning strike, settling down deep in his bones like an old friend. He was suddenly all too aware of how exposed he was, lying in the middle of Simon’s room in a house he didn’t know in a part of town which layout was unknown to him. Panic spread through his body as Alec thought about how he hadn’t even checked if the Lewis were even mundanes. He had allowed the cosiness of the house, the atmosphere of hospitality and openness to lull him into a sense of security.

“Cheez, relax, dude.” Simon’s voice pierced through his panic riddled mind. “No one’s gonna do anything to you.”

“How do you know what I am?” Alec wanted to know meekly. In this moment he wished that he was as brave and daring as Jace. His soon-to-be Parabatai would have demanded answers instead of asking them. Jace wouldn’t have felt panic like Alec, because at his heart he was a fighter, not an overthinker like Alec.

“I saw one of your runes when you reached for the butter and your sleeve slid up,” Simon replied. “I’d know a Shadowhunter rune everywhere. But don’t worry, the rest of my family doesn’t know.”

“How do you know about Shadowhunters?” Alec asked.

“You’re not the first member of the Shadow World I got to meet,” Simon replied. “I’ve known since I was six years old.”

“Mundanes aren’t supposed to know about it,” Alec replied, more out of reflex than out of real concern. “You are a mundane, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Simon replied. “And the world hasn’t burnt down yet from me knowing, so I guess it’s fine.” There was a short pause. “What’s your real name, then?”

“Alexander Lightwood.”

“Wow,” Simon said. “You’re practically Shadowhunter royalty. Sweet!” Alec could hear the shuffling of Simon’s bedcovers and then suddenly the light from the bedside lamp was turned on. When Alec turned his head, he was met with Simon’s overeager expression. “How does living in an Institute feel like?”

Alec didn’t really know how to answer that question. Living in the Institute was the only thing he had known his entire life. There was nothing else. How did you describe the feeling of home to someone else? How did you describe the intimate knowledge about a place you only acquired through living in it? How did you describe knowing every nook and cranny, every uneven step, every creaking stair? How were you supposed to put into words what was just instinctive to you?

“It’s my home,” he finally replied.  “I’ve lived there since I can remember.”

“Yeah, but there must be lot of history, isn’t there?” Simon asked. “I mean, it’s as old as the city itself. And the books – do you have a library?”

“We do,” Alec replied, a small smile on his lips. The library was one of his favourite places in the whole Institute. Being only surrounded by books was calming to his mind like nearly nothing else. The silence, the serenity, the tranquillity that surrounded you the moment you entered the room made your real-life problems suddenly seem a lot less terrifying than they had been just a few moments before. It was also humbling, being surrounded by all that knowledge, knowing that generations of Shadowhunters that had been stationed here had helped gathering all of it, so that one day someone like Alec could browse through it and gain the answers he sought.

“Thousands of books about all sort of topics. There are even some written by Jonathan Shadowhunter himself.”

“Wow!” Simon exclaimed in awe.

“I’m no allowed to read them yet,” Alec admitted disappointed.

“Well, my…friend has a big library, too, and I’m not allowed to read all of it, either,” Simon told him. “To be honest, most of it is in languages I don’t understand anyway. I’ve already learned Latin, though, and currently I’m trying to beat Edomese into my head.”

“That’s a Downworlder dialect, mainly used by Warlocks in their writing,” Alec frowned. “So, you know a Warlock?”

Alec didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about Warlocks. He knew that his parents and most of the Shadowhunters he had met in the Institute were uncomfortable about them due to their part-demonic origin and detested having to call up on them for tasks even the Clave could not perform. They were immortal and were capable of great and terrible magic and for that they were equally feared and venerated. Maybe some Shadowhunters were even jealous of their immortality, but to Alec immortality sounded very lonely. Forced to be unmoving and unchanging while everything around you evolved must be a special form of torture and even with his fourteen years Alec wouldn’t want that for himself.

“Maybe…” Simon replied, panic and stress written all over his face. “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

Rationally, Alec knew that he had to report Simon and the Warlock he was in cahoots with. They were breaking Clave Law. The Shadow World was supposed to kept hidden from the mundanes for everyone’s safety, at least that was what his parents told them. Alec had learned to respect the law, because without law there would be chaos and in chaos demons thrived but looking at Simon who was staring at him with wide eyes, silently pleading with him to not tell anyone, Alec just didn’t see why what they were doing was so bad. They were not harming anyone; they were just being friends, learning together and Alec couldn’t really fault them for that.

He, too, would like to have a friend like that.

“I won’t,” he promised Simon. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Thank you so much,” Simon replied, letting out a breath of relief. “You’re not that bad for a Shadowhunter. I thought you’d be a lot more uptight.”

Alec had to bite himself on the lip to not laugh out loud at that, because – at least according to Izzy and Jace – he was uptightness personified, so having Simon say the exact opposite was equally funny and depressing.

“I guess,” he replied. He yawned.

“Oh, I guess you’re really tired after the day you’ve had,” Simon remarked. “I’m gonna shut up now.” He switched off the light and true to his word, didn’t say anything. The only sounds that now filled the room were their breaths and the occasional car that drove by on the street. Alec stared at the ceiling as tiredness slowly crept in on him and darkened the edges of his vision.

They were quite alright, the Lewis.

* * *

Breakfast was as chaotic as dinner had been, maybe even more so as everyone was in a rush to get out of the door and to wherever they needed to be.

“I’m so glad that the subway’s running again,” Elaine spoke as she shuffled through the room to put a lot of different papers in her briefcase. “I don’t know what we would’ve done otherwise.”

“Died,” Simon deadpanned. Turning to Alec he told him: “Mom’s working for Pearson Specter Litt, that posh law firm in Manhattan and we could totally afford to live in Manhattan, but this is home, so…” He just shrugged, but Alec understood. You didn’t just abandon your home, even if it was more practical.

“Do you still have to work with Louis on that one case?” Rebecca asked, grinning wickedly at Simon. “You should totally invite him over again.” Next to Alec, Simon shuddered.

“You only say that because he promised to get you into Harvard!” Rebecca just shrugged nonchalantly. It was in this moment that Elaine’s mobile began to ring. Snatching it from the kitchen counter, she walked into the adjacent living room and closed the door behind her.

“So, Alec,” Rebecca began and suddenly Alec felt like he was eyed up by a predator just about to jump its prey. “What school are you going to?”

“He’s home-schooled,” Simon threw in.

“I didn’t ask you,” Rebecca retorted.

“Simon’s right,” Alec replied. “My parents teach me and my siblings at home.”

“So, you live in Manhattan and are home-schooled,” Rebecca repeated. “Is your family kinda rich? Do you have a chauffeur? Is it like in ‘The Nanny’? Do you have an attractive, eligible father?” Alec was saved from answering Rebecca’s questions by the return of Elaine.

“Bad news,” she began. “Mr Litt’s secretary just called me. He needs me at the courthouse immediately. Alec, I’ll take you with me and return you to your parents as soon as our appointment with Judge Mitchell ends. I’m really sorry, dear, but that’s the best I can do.”

“I could bring him home,” Simon threw in.

“You really think I’m going to let you ride the subway on your own?” Elaine asked, eyebrows raised in disbelief. “Especially after the last time?”

“The people at court hate children,” Simon pointed out. “Louis especially. And you don’t know how long your trial’s going to be and you can’t expect Alec to loiter around for all of it, not when his parents are probably sick of worry for him. Also, school only starts at third period, so I have the time.” Elaine looked really conflicted about the decision, but in the end, she just seemed to give up and sighed.

“Alright,” she relented. “But you activate the tracking on your phone and send me regular updates.”

“Yeah!” Simon exclaimed and threw his fist in the air. “Come on, Alec, we’re gonna guess the life stories of the other passengers. I’m really good at it.”

“I’m already regretting this,” Elaine mumbled.

* * *

When Simon said that they were going to guess strangers’ life stories that was literally what he meant. While they sat in the subway, he would whisper to Alec what he thought the background of the people around them was. The business man who was nervously fidgeting with the collar of his shirt was on his way to his affair, the sleeping twenty-four-year old girl opposite from them had earned a scholarship for Columbia and was busting her ass off to afford her crammed one-room-apartment, hence catching up on sleep on the train while the man a few seats away was an FBI agent on his way to the downtown office.

Alec didn’t quite possess the same imagination. When he looked at people he could see if they were dangerous or not. He could easily discern if they had any training in defending themselves (the student and the FBI agent did), where their centre of gravity was and how he would go on in disabling them if it came to a fight. But when it came to guess about their lives it was as if all of his intuition went straight out of the window.

“You’re really not good at this, aren’t you?” Simon laughed.

“I just don’t see the use in it,” Alec replied.

“Well, first it’s funny,” Simon pointed out. “And secondly, it helps you figuring out a person’s motivation. I mean, you’re a Lightwood, so sooner or later you’re gonna end up in places where you can’t stab everything that doesn’t do what you want. Places where you have to be diplomatic and negotiate. If you know where people come from, you also know what their agendas are.” Simon’s explanation made the game seem a lot less innocent and fun than it had been just a few moments before.

“Is that why you’re doing it?” he asked.

“My friend came up with it,” Simon explained. “I do it because I’m interested in other people. I think it’s fascinating how there are millions of people just in the metropolitan area of New York and I’ll never meet all of them.” He paused. “Also, I don’t think I’ll ever be in a setting where I’ll need to discern other people’s hidden agendas.”

They spent the rest of the ride continuing with the game and by the end of it Alec felt like he had actually improved. Their game came to an end when they finally reached the station nearest to the Institute where they got off the train.

“I don’t see anything,” Simon pouted.

“The Institute is protected by the most powerful runes and wards the Clave can afford,” Alec remarked.

“Well, I guess this is it,” Simon said, shuffling awkwardly on his feet.

“Thank you for getting me home,” Alec replied. “And give your mother my thanks for helping me. I don’t want to know where I would have ended up if she hadn’t taken pity on me.”

“I’ll tell her,” Simon promised. “And I hope you’ll figure out whatever it is that made you end up on the other side of town.” Alec’s expression became slightly pained at that as he was reminded of everything he was running from. Simon, thankfully, didn’t notice as he rummaged through his pocket until he got hold of a wrinkled piece of paper on which he scribbled something before he handed it to Alec.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“That’s my number,” Simon replied. “You know, if you ever want to hang out or something.”

Alec wanted to tell him that this was impossible. That Simon was a mundane and he was a Shadowhunter and that they weren’t even supposed to talk with each other right now, and certainly not in the future. That their worlds weren’t supposed to mix, that he as Shadowhunter had to stay aloof and never get attached to a world that wasn’t his own.

But Simon looked at him with an expression so full of hope and earnestness that Alec couldn’t bring himself to crumble the piece of paper and let it fall on the ground like he should. Simon was so open and honest – had been in the beginning – and he was offering Alec friendship just after barely a day of knowing him just because he thought that Alec was worth it.

And it wasn’t as if Alec didn’t want this. He had Izzy, the best friend you could ask for, but she was also his sister and there were just a few things you didn’t talk about with family. Max was a toddler and Jace, well, his relationship with Jace was a mess right now – only on Alec’s side, though – so maybe having someone who wasn’t involved in any of it was the thing he needed right now.

So, he didn’t throw the piece of paper away. He put it in his pocket.

“I’ll think about it,” he said and the way Simon’s face lit up made it difficult to regret his decision.

* * *

Izzy cried when Alec came back, which instantly managed to make Alec feel bad for making her go through that rollercoaster of emotions, but after he assured her several times that he was fine and that nothing bad had happened to him, she seemed to calm down and was even willing to let go off him.

Max was too little to notice that Alec had even away while Jace thought Alec going out on his own into the city was “cool” and “daring” (Alec tried to ignore the warm fluttering in his stomach that comment provoked).

His parents weren’t as easy to assuage as his sister. Alec didn’t know what was worse: the silent disappointment of his mother who chastised him for abandoning his duties or his fathers obvious distress as he hugged Alec tightly and made him promise to never do something reckless as that again. It was as if his parents still saw him as little child instead of a boy on the cusp of adulthood.

Alec tried to go back to how things were, but that was more difficult than he had expected. He saw how his relationship with Jace was suffering under Alec’s revelation that he liked the other boy more than as a foster-brother. It was a huge mental strain on Alec to always keep his true feelings hidden, to not let anything more than friendship slip through his mask, to upkeep the charade of only friendship existing between them. Guilt was churning in his stomach like molten fire whenever Alec saw the confused expression on Jace’s face every time he was cutting the other boy off a little bit more. Jace hadn’t changed, it was Alec who was slowly ruining it all and for that he couldn’t help but hate himself a little bit more every time he laid awake at night.

He wondered when Jace would have enough and just cut ties with him completely, maybe choosing someone else as parabatai – someone more suitable – and the fear made Alec shiver even though it wasn’t even cold in his room. The guilt and fear created a toxic cloud in his mind that seemed to present itself in a dark atmosphere that hung around him like a physical shield.

It was after he had snapped at Max and had made his younger brother cry that Alec finally recognised that he needed to get out of the Institute and clear his head. He needed to get out of the crushing atmosphere that seemed to follow him wherever he went in the Institute; he needed to get away from people who had those fixed ideas of who he was in their minds and wouldn’t let him evolve outside of the paths they had laid out for him.

He just needed a little bit of freedom.

Izzy and Jace were in lessons with one of the Shadowhunters about the history and lore of the Clave. Alec had already finished those lessons, which meant that he didn’t have to attend them any longer. His parents were in Idris and had taken Max with them. Alec knew that they didn’t really need to attend every meeting there was, but it was his parents’ only chance at setting foot into the home they had been banished from and he didn’t blame them for it (only a little bit, only when the loneliness became much too bear, only when he had to tuck Max into bed because his parents weren’t there).

Just when Alec was about to leave his room, his gaze was caught by the small slip of paper that was innocently laying on his desk. Simon’s number that he hadn’t spent a single thought on since the boy had accompanied him back to the Institute. Alec hovered on the doorway, indecision tearing at him. He didn’t really want company, but the thought of walking the streets on his own wasn’t really inviting either.      

Simon was carefree and didn’t judge. He filled the silence Alec created and didn’t mind any of Alec’s many failings as human being. Maybe his company wouldn’t be so bad.

Sighing, Alec walked over and picked up the note from his desk and made his way towards the phone in his father’s office. They really needed their own phones, but if he went to his parents with that request they would ask why and Alec didn’t really want to divulge that – at least not now.

Simon picked up after only two rings.

"What’s up, Broody McBroodface!” Alec was already regretting this.

“That’s not my name,” he pointed out, completely aware that Simon must know it, too.

“It’s what I call you in my mind, so just go with it,” the other boy replied cheekily. “What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to inquire if you might be available today?” Alec asked.

“Geez, what did you do, swallow a Jane Austen novel?” Alec didn’t know who this Jane Austen was, so he kept quiet. “School’s gonna be over in about an hour. I can be in front of the Institute in two. Fast enough for you?”

“That’s fine,” Alec replied.

“Alright,” Simon spoke. “See you later.”

Then he had already hung up.

* * *

Alec was sitting on a bench just far enough away from the Institute so that no one who came by would see him when Simon arrived two hours and ten minutes after their call. Unlike Alec, who was dressed in muted blacks and greys, the shirt the boy was wearing under his bright red hoodie featured a red-blue man-like creature with bug-like eyes and a black spider on its chest.

It made absolutely no sense to Alec, but he wasn’t the one wearing it, so he didn’t care.

“Hi there,” Simon greeted him. “Honestly, I didn’t really expect you to call me at all, so I guess, thank you for not forgetting me at all?” He scratched the back of his head as if he didn’t really know if what he said came over as awkward or thankful.

“You’re welcome,” Alec answered, the automatic reply coming over his lips instinctively. Simon reached for his bag and pulled out a blue packet of something.

“What’s that?” Alec inquired.

“You don’t know Oreo?” Simon exclaimed, his expression one of scandalised shook. “They’re only the best thing in the world!” He extended his hand and offered Alec some of the, well, apparently sweets. As far as Alec could discern these ‘Oreos’ were two dark layers of cookies with a sheet of cream between them.

“It’s okay,” Alec delivered his judgement.

“’It’s okay’,” Simon repeated disbelievingly. “He says it’s okay.” Alec wanted to add something, but Simon held up his finger and silenced him.

“Don’t talk,” he commanded and more out of confusion than of actual obedience Alec obliged. Simon took some deep breaths and then turned back to Alec.

“I’m ready to talk to you again after this attack on my person,” he informed Alec. The Shadowhunter just rolled his eyes.

“Thank you so much for your leniency,” he replied sarcastically.

“So,” Simon began as he sat down next to Alec. “Is there a particular reason why you called me, or did you just miss my refreshing personality?” He popped another Oreo in his mouth.

“I just wanted to be alone, but not on my own,” Alec tried to explain. He wasn’t really good with words, but he wanted Simon to understand what he couldn’t really put into words. That he wanted to be away from people that knew him and bother him with question, but not completely alone. That he just needed someone who didn’t know him well enough to start asking questions, but also someone who understood enough to talk with him.

“Ah,” Simon replied. “I know what you mean.”

“You do?” Alec asked surprised. Simon nodded.

“Yeah, I get it,” he told Alec. “It’s like with my friends at school. We know each other well enough to get along with each other and it’s just superficial enough that I can pretend to be whoever I want to be without anyone realising how I really feel.” Another Oreo made its way into the Mundane’s mouth. “So, you just need someone to distract you?” Alec nodded.

“Well, have you ever been on top of the Empire State Building?” Simon asked him. Alec shook his head.

“Does your stealth rune also hide you from sensors and stuff?” Simon continued. Alec nodded.

“It’s your lucky day then!” Simon exclaimed. “As it happens I got a gift coupon for one ride and you can get through security with your runes, so you don’t have to pay the thirty dollars.”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, it’s gonna be fun!” Simon urged him. “Every New Yorker should have been up there at least once in their life.”

“Alright,” Alec relented. “Lead the way.”

It took them nearly twenty minutes on the subway to reach the Empire State Building; time Simon used to regale Alec with all the knowledge he had acquired about the building in his life (which was more than Alec had expected).

“I had a phase where I was really interested in the famous buildings of this town,” Simon explained when he noticed Alec’s bewildered expression. “I could also tell you some great stuff about Grand Central.”

“No, thanks,” Alec rebuffed him, but not unkindly. It was kind of embarrassing: He had lived in New York for much of his life but didn’t know nearly half as much about the city as Simon apparently did. By the Angel, he could count on both hands how many times he had actually ventured into the city and still have fingers left. His lessons at the Institute mainly focused on history, runes and the Clave. There wasn’t much space left to go in-depth into the place they were living in and supposed to protect.

When he got back to the Institute he needed to talk to his parents. Weapons training was fine and good, but it didn’t help you very much when a demon ran away from you and you couldn’t follow it because you didn’t know the layout of the streets well enough.

“Your loss,” Simon shrugged.

The subway pulled into the next station, people on the platform already waiting impatiently for their turn to enter.

“That’s our stop,” Simon pointed out. They got off the train and made their way out of the station. It was even more crowded than what Alec was used to and when they were on the street, Alec took in a deep breath. He really didn’t like crowded and enclosed spaces.

The street wasn’t any better, but at least he could see the sky between the high-rises that lined 34th street. Waling the sidewalk, Alec felt especially small dwarfed as he was by the buildings around him. Neither the neighbourhood of the Institute nor the area where Simon lived had such high buildings and neither had Alicante for that matter. Alec had seen them from the windows of the Institute many times, but it was a different thing to walk between those skyscrapers.

And all around him were people on their way. Stressed looking business men in bespoken suits and with golden watches on their wrists, barking into their phones; tired mothers pushing buggies; groups of teenagers talking loudly and carrying a wide assortment of shopping bags; tourists that constantly jerked to a stop whenever they saw something that rose their interest making it a sport itself to evade them on the last second.

What should have been a short walk turned into nearly ten minutes of parkour, but in the end, they made it.

“You better rune up,” Simon whispered to him. “Meet me at the lifts.” Alec nodded. Letting his gaze wander over the lobby, he made out a secluded spot behind a rather impressive potted plant. Pulling his steele out of the pocket of his pants, he activated his stealth rune and felt the all too familiar angelic energy settle over him.

Pocketing his steele again, Alec made his way through the lobby and up the stairs towards the visitor centre where Simon was standing in line to get his voucher changed into a ticket. Leaning against the wall, Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

This was stupid, he thought. He was standing in the lobby of a mundane building, waiting for a mundane he barely knew, so that he could take the lift up the building just so he could stare down on the streets he had just come from. If his mother could see him right now he wouldn’t hear the end of it. Shadowhunters didn’t have the time to waste on such frivolous things as sightseeing, not when there were more pressing matters to attend to.

And there were always more pressing matters.

He should leave. Should go back to the Institute and forget all of it. Should say good-bye to the notion of abandoning duty and invest all of his time into becoming a Shadowhunter his parents and the Clave could be proud of.

And yet, Alec’s feet didn’t move an inch. He hadn’t thought about Jace for hours.

“Alec, are you there?” Simon whispered. “I’ve got my ticket, so let’s take the next lift up.” Not wanting to deny himself that little bit of fun, Alec walked up on Simon from behind and spoke: “I’m here.”

The way Simon startled and nearly fell over his own feet was totally worth it.

“That wasn’t funny,” Simon groused. Alec just chuckled.

They passed the ride up in silence because it would have earned Simon quite a few sceptical looks if someone saw him talking to empty air. When the elevator doors opened, and the crowd was released on the observation deck Alec stepped aside so that he wouldn’t be trampled over.

“I guess it’s safe now for you to disable your stealth rune,” Simon spoke, though he was turned into the wrong direction. Alec did as he was told.

“Great,” Simon said, as he turned around to face Alec. “Now, let’s go outside and have a look. I bet it’s gonna be awesome!” Before Alec could even have the chance to protest, Simon had already grabbed his arm and was dragging him onto the observation platform.

Simon was right, though: It certainly was awe inspiring.

From up here what had previously made Alec feel small was now small itself. The skyscrapers all around him were easily dwarfed by the Empire State Building and a small part of Alec’s mind whispered that this must be what the Angels saw when they looked down on Earth. No matter in which direction he turned, the city seemed to stretch on forever, building after building, the streets between them like veins transporting the people throughout the whole organism. The people scurried around, so small that they seemed to Alec like ants in a giant anthill.

From up here all of his problems seemed so far away and insignificant. What did it matter up here what he felt for Jace when he could gaze upon the vast stretch of Central Park from up here? What did it matter how his parents would be disappointed in him when he could feel the wind on his skin as if he was standing on a cliff atop the ocean? Who cared that he could never be what other people wanted him to be when he was only one face amongst hundreds that threaded the hallways of this building every day?

Up here, staring onto the sprawling city, Alec felt like he was free, even if it was only for a few moments. But it was enough, at least for now.

“Did it work?” Simon asked from beside him. “The distraction?”

“It did,” Alec mumbled. “Won’t your mother miss you, though?”

“Nah,” Simon replied. “She works until eight. If I get home before her, she won’t even notice, providing that Rebecca doesn’t snitch on me.” He laughed. “To be honest, this is my first time up here, too. You don’t get many chances to visit the Empire State Building when you’re living in Brooklyn. I’ve had that coupon for months now. So, thanks, I guess, for making me finally make use of it.”

“I hope my sister hasn’t ratted me out to my parents,” Alec admitted. Usually Izzy would cover him, no matter what, but the last few days her worry about him had grown the more withdrawn he had become, so he wouldn’t put it past her that she would inform their parents if she thought it would help him.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Simon asked. “House arrest?”

“They could delay my parabatai ceremony,” Alec replied drily. Simon sucked in a breath.

“Ouch,” he spoke, a little bit panicked. “Did I pull you onto the path of truancy? Shit, shit, shit, I’ve corrupted a Shadowhunter. The Clave will hunt me down and you’ll be forever angry with me. I’m so sorry…”

“Relax,” Alex interrupted him. “They wouldn’t do that. Besides, my parents won’t even notice that I was gone while they were in Idris.”

“That’s nice to hear.” Simon let out a breath of relief. “You wanna stay for a little bit longer?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

* * *

A few hours later they were back at the bench from where they had started their little adventure. For Alec it felt like it had been much longer, though. The pressure that had weighed on his shoulder had lessened and the dark mix of fear and guilt that had had a grip on him seemed to have withdrawn at least for now.

He didn’t know what would happen once he re-entered the Institute, but he was pretty sure that he was in a better state of mind now than before.

“I wanted to thank you,” Alec said to Simon. “You didn’t need to come, but you did it anyway.”

“Well, I did offer it, didn’t I?” the boy replied. “But anyway, you’re welcome.” He shifted on his feet. “But honestly, get yourself a phone. And don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t,” Alec promised. “I won’t.”

When he opened the Institute’s great portal doors, Alec prayed that no one had noticed that he had been gone. He just wasn’t in the mood to justify himself to anyone and he knew that he would have to if any of the more permanent residents of the Institute caught him sneaking around.

“Where have you been?” Alec sighed deeply and turned around to see his little sister sitting atop one of the cabinets that lined the hallway as if she had been waiting for him the whole time.

“None of your business,” Alec shot back. Izzy just glared at him disapprovingly (shockingly like their mother, if Alec was honest) and jumped down from her elevated hiding place. She may be two years younger and one head shorter than him, but nevertheless suddenly Alec felt as if she was glaring him down instead of the other way around.

“Well, I’m sure mom and dad would disagree,” she smirked. Sometimes Alec wondered if his sister wasn’t a demon changeling.

“You wouldn’t!” he exclaimed.

“Try me,” Izzy dared him. Alec sighed.

“I went out with a friend,” he finally admitted.

“You don’t have friends,” Izzy spluttered. “Well, besides me and Jace.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Alec muttered. “I guess now I have one.” Were Simon and he friends? Alec guessed so. He wasn’t really good at human interaction or reading social clues due to their secluded upbringing, but he found Simon tolerable and he liked to talk with the other boy so he guessed that they could be called friends.

“Is he a mundane?” Izzy asked.

“Why would you think that?” Alec wanted to know, a little bit panicked.

“It can’t be a Shadowhunter, because I would know,” Izzy deduced. “And I don’t think you’d befriend a Downworlder. It’s too dangerous and you’re not that stupid. So it has to be a mundane.”

“Fine, you’re right,” Alec relented. “But, Izzy, please don’t tell anyone?” His sister’s gaze softened when she saw Alec’s pleading expression.

“I won’t,” she assured him and with that the topic was closed.

“You should go talk to Jace, though,” Izzy told him.

“Not to tell him about your new friend,” she added when she noticed Alec’s confused expression. “But you’ve been a big downer the last few days and he noticed it, too.” And with that last piece of advice his sister turned around and left him standing in the hallway, wondering if he should heed her advise or not.

Alec knew Jace well enough to know where he would find his soon-to-be parabatai. The sound of heavy breathing and the whir of metal cutting through the air could be heard even before Alec reached the doorway that led into the training room.

Jace was standing in the middle of the room, his hands firmly around the training sword with which he was fighting an invisible opponent. His whole body was coiled and tensed, ready to strike out any moment. There was a mesmerising beauty to his movements, to the way his muscles shifted underneath his shirt. Like a predator, ready to pounce on his prey, silent and deadly. Alec could have stood in the doorway forever and watched Jace move like a cheetah slinking through the savanna, but the spell was broken when Jace noticed him and lowered his sword.

“Alec,” he greeted him.

“That were some new moves,” Alec commented. “I haven’t seen them before.”

“Hodge showed them to me,” Jace replied. “They’re more difficult than your standard stances, but he said that I’ve got the talent to go for it.”

“You certainly are good at it,” Alec agreed. Jace was the born fighter. He had even overheard some older Shadowhunters mumble that his brother was already better than some grown-up fighters. But Jace didn’t let that get to his head, instead he just took the praise with his head down and an easy smile on his lips. He just was that good. “It looked great.” _You looked great._ But Alec didn’t say that. Would never say that.

“Thanks,” Jace replied. “Wanna fight?”

Alec was aware enough to see the question for what it was: An offer of reconciliation. The two of them weren’t great talkers – never had been – choosing to let actions instead of words speak for them. Jace was offering him to go back to how things were before…before Alec had realised and Alec was desperate and willing enough to go for it. He wanted things to go back to how they had been before, even though deep inside he knew that they would never be. But with a training sword in his hand and the silent calmness that fell over him whenever he fought with Jace he could just pretend for a while that things hadn’t changed.

Just for a while. But right now, that was enough for him.

* * *

“I’d like to have a phone,” Alec opened without much preamble at the dinner table later that day. His parents first looked at each other, then at him, confusion written large on their faces.

“How come?” his father asked evenly.

“I want to be able to leave the Institute,” Alec started to explain. “And I thought you were more likely to be agreeable to it if I had a phone.”

“Why would you need to leave the Institute?” his mother wanted to know. “You’re still in training.”

“How am I supposed to protect this city once I become a full Shadowhunter when I don’t even know it?” Alec challenged her. “I…we –“ he corrected when he looked at Jace. “- should be able to go outside and just explore.” He saw that his mother wanted to retort something, but his father was faster.

“Maryse, the boy is right,” he agreed with Alec. “We can’t keep them inside the Institute forever. Back in Alicante we were constantly sneaking out, too.” A small smile played on his lips. “Those were the times.”

“Fine,” his mother gritted out. “But remember, privileges can be taken away as fast as they can be given. You won’t let this interfere with your training.” Alec nodded. She turned her attention to Jace: “You want a phone as well?”

“I won’t say no,” his brother replied.

“I’ll have Hodge give you each a phone from our inventory,” his father told them.

“I want one, too!” Izzy exclaimed.

“Certainly not, young lady!” Alec’s mother was fast to dash Izzy’s hopes. Alec had to bite his cheek to keep himself from laughing at his sister’s dejected expression.

“That’s so unfair,” Izzy whined.

Later, as Alec laid in bed, Simon’s number was the first one he saved – as ‘Mouthy Mundane’.

* * *

To be honest, Alec’s life didn’t change all of a sudden. Most of the days he was too busy with lessons – be they of the learning or fighting kind – to actually do anything but fall into bed exhausted, every inch of his body feeling like a horde of demons had trampled over him. The life of a Shadowhunter didn’t leave much space for leisure, after all.

That wasn’t really what Alec wanted anyway. He felt accomplished whenever he managed to activate a new rune or hit the target with his bow and arrows. It made him feel like he was actually good at something, like he could make his parents proud. And it distracted him from Jace whose presence still managed to elicit this strange and forbidden feelings from Alec.

Often Alec would venture outside alone, exploring the neighbourhood of the Institute on the Upper East Side. For hours he would walk through every street, visit the hundreds of little shops and just discover the place he had been living in for years. By now the women in the small kiosk on 99th street knew him well enough to smile at him whenever he passed by and ask him how he was and the slightly crazy man handing out Bibles at the corner of 96th and 2nd would try to get him into a discussion about Leviticus every time Alec passed by. 

It was somehow exhilarating.

Every now and then Simon would send him some weird pictures (‘Memes’) that he thought were funny, but which Alec didn’t really understand or photographs of him and his best friend (a red-head girl named Clary) doing stuff at school. They didn’t meet often – their schedules too conflicting – but it was nice to have someone who would occasionally think about you and send you weird pictures. Alec returned the favour by sending pictures of the cats he encountered during his walks.

Jace didn’t really understand why Alec would waste his time just walking around and doing nothing. After accompanying Alec for a few times, he declared the activity boring and choose to do weapons training instead. Alec didn’t mind as his long walks were also an opportunity to just get away from the whirlwind of conflicting emotions Jace managed to inspire.

And looming above all that was his parabatai ceremony slowly drawing closer and closer.

“It’s pretty important to you, isn’t it?” Simon asked as he slurped on his smoothie. They were sitting in one of the many Starbucks that littered Manhattan, watching the pedestrians walking by outside on the street. After Simon had heard that Alec hadn’t been in one of the coffee chain’s stores, he had literally dragged Alec into the nearest one and had forced him to order a giant cookie and some weirdly flavoured tea. “Getting a parabatai?”

“It’s the most important decision a Shadowhunter makes in their life,” Alec replied. “Becoming parabatai is like becoming siblings, only much closer. You draw on each other’s strength and balance each other’s weaknesses. It’s one of the core tenets of Shadowhunters.”

“Then why do you look so gloomy?” Simon remarked. “Shouldn’t you be more enthusiastic about it?”

“I am,” Alec protested, but it sounded weak even to his own ears.

“You’re sure you found the right person then?” Simon continued to inquire.

“Definitely,” Alec spoke, this time with conviction in his voice that would leave no room for any kind of doubt. He didn’t want Simon to pursue the topic any further, but he couldn’t find the voice to tell him to stop digging, to leave Alec to his illusions.

“So, you’re sure you found the right girl –“ Alec shook his head. “- boy, then, but there’s still something that keeps you from actually looking forward to it.” Alec just shrugged.

“Do we really need to talk about this?” he asked.

“We don’t have to,” Simon replied. “If it’s making you uncomfortable I could also tell you about how Clary tore a bully at our school a new one. Man, that girl is like hundred-percent rage in a small package.” He shook his head fondly. “But maybe you should talk about it if it weighs on your mind that much? If not with me, then with someone else?”

There was no one else. That statement laid heavy on Alec’s tongue, but it wouldn’t come over his lips. There were his parents, Hodge, Izzy, Max and all the other Shadowhunters, but they wouldn’t understand. Alec would have to explain and justify, but in the end they could never emphasise with what he was going through – with what he was feeling – because they just didn’t know anything else but what they had grown up with.

And he was afraid. So tremendously afraid. He knew of no one else like him – either living or in the history of the Clave – which meant that there must be something wrong with him, because if what Alec was feeling was normal then it would be mentioned somewhere, wouldn’t it? His parents would have talked with them about it, his teacher would have mentioned it, Hodge would have pointed it out. But they hadn’t, which meant that Alec was an aberration that wasn’t supposed to happen.

The Clave didn’t take kindly to things that weren’t supposed to be.

“Hey, Alec, are you alright?” Simon asked, worry evident in his voice. “You became a little pale there.”

“I think I’m wrong,” Alec muttered. “I think I’m wrong.” It was easier than he had imagined; getting those words out of his head. If push came to shove he could still cut Simon off and leave him behind and maybe knowing that he could just untangle himself from the mundane as if nothing ever happened made it easier to talk to him.

“Why would you think that?” Simon wanted to know.

“I’m not how I’m supposed to be,” Alec told him.

“Who says that?”

“I just know,” Alec insisted.

“Why do you think you’re wrong?” Simon asked.

“Because I’m feeling things that I shouldn’t feel,” Alec answered.

“Does it have to do something with your soon-to-be parabatai?” Simon inquired carefully. Alec just nodded, trying to ignore the stinging feeling in his eyes.

“Do you, like, _like_ him?” Another nod. “Why do you think that’s wrong?” Alec looked at the other boy had just spoken in tongues.

“Because I’m not supposed to?” he finally replied. “I’m supposed to marry a girl from a respectable Shadowhunter family and continue our family’s legacy with her.”

“Listen,” Simon spoke. “When I was in kindergarten there was this other boy. No matter what he did, I would always think he was the best in everything. I would come home and tell my mom that he had the prettiest hair, the greatest toys and the best ideas, even if they were completely stupid. And my mom would sit me down and tell me that it she was totally fine with me liking that boy and if I decided to like boys in the future, too, she would one-hundred-percent support me.

Back then I just thought she was stupid, because what did it matter that he was a boy as long as he was cool and awesome, but later I realised that she was telling me that she was fine with whoever I’d choose to love. And it made me realise that there’s nothing wrong with who you love. It never will be.

So, you’re right: You’re wrong. You’re wrong thinking that there’s something wrong with you. I may be just a stupid teenager, but that’s something I can say with full conviction. You’re not wrong, Alec, you’re not wrong and you will never be.”

Simon finished, determination and conviction shining in his eyes and for a short moment Alec felt like he couldn’t breathe. He had assumed that – if he was lucky – Simon wouldn’t simply turn away and maybe even help him figure out how he could fix himself. More likely would have been that he would look at Alec with the same disgust he felt towards himself and told him to get lost.

Never, not even in his most daring hopes, would Alec have guessed that someone would accept him and even tell him that it was okay – that he wasn’t wrong. He had carried that certainty with him for so long that he felt naked and exposed now that it had turned out wrong. He had steeled himself for so many reactions, but honest, unambiguous acceptance hadn’t been one of them and now it was like his mind had suddenly turned completely empty. He didn’t know how to react.

“I know it’s probably difficult to come to terms with, but please, believe me,” Simon pleaded with sincerity in his voice. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” There was a hesitant expression on his face, his hand hovering halfway between him and Alec, but then he seemed to come to a decision, leaned forward and just hugged Alec.

Alec wasn’t a very tactile person. The most physical contact he usually had was in his fighting lessons with Jace. Izzy would hug him every now and then as would his mother when he had been younger, and his father would tousle his hair in an affectionate manner sometimes, but the Lightwoods didn’t use psychical contact in order to comfort each other. Mostly, they sought comfort in solitude, because seeking comfort meant offering vulnerability.

It felt nice, though, Alec must admit. He could feel the warmth of Simon’s body underneath his shirt, could sense his slow breath and the beating of his heart. It offered security and protection, even though logically Alec knew that a hug protected you from nothing. But Alec took the implied support Simon offered and turned it into strength.

The hug only lasted for a few seconds, but when Simon let go off Alec, he felt like he could actually survive this without shattering into a thousand pieces.

“What happened with that boy?” Alec asked.

“He moved away,” Simon replied. “But a few weeks later Clary came into my life and has been my great love ever since. Once I gather the nerves to ask her, we’ll be the power couple of our school.” He sighed wistfully. “Honestly, there are so many labels out there. I just like who I like and that’s enough for me.”

“You say that as if it’s easy,” Alec pointed out.

“It helps that I have a family that supports me no matter what,” Simon told him. “Knowing that no matter what the world throws at me, I’ll always have my mom and sister to fall back on gives me an incredible self-assurance that I wouldn’t have otherwise.” He paused for a moment. “Do you really think that your family wouldn’t accept you?”

“I don’t know,” Alec swallowed. “I don’t want to risk it.”

“That’s alright,” Simon assured him. “If you don’t want to tell them, then don’t do it.” He took another sip from his smoothie. “But you shouldn’t let it weigh you down, either.”

“I’ll try,” Alec promised and this time it even felt like he could maybe keep his promise.

When he came back later and he saw Jace there was still this miasma of emotions churning in his stomach.

But it didn’t feel like it was suffocating Alec any longer.

* * *

“I think it’s time to move our relationship to the next level,” Simon proclaimed.

Alec looked up from the pile of comics he was currently flipping through. Simon had introduced him to the confusing world of Marvel and DC, which was apparently filled with all kinds of dangers and traps when it came to one’s personal loyalty. Simon had ranted at him about the failure that was the DC cinematic universe for nearly ten minutes (Alec hadn’t dared to ask what that even was).

Personally, Alec quite liked the Marvel guy with the bow and arrows.

“What do you mean?” he inquired carefully, observing the other customers that were currently looking for the objects of their desires in the small comic shop.

“Well, you remember my friend?” Simon replied.

“Your warlock friend?” Alec remarked. Simon nodded.

“Yep, him. He’d like to officially meet you. Says he wants to put a face to the Shadowhunter who’s stealing his favourite mundane away.”

“He trusts me enough for that?” Alec asked, eyebrows raised.

“Uh, we’ve known each other for quite some time now and until now there haven’t been any Clave officials knocking at my door to arrest me for breaking the Accords, so I guess the answer to that question would be ‘yes’.” Simon squinted his eyes at him. “But maybe that was your plan all along? Making me trust you so that you could get to him.”

Alec, knowing that Simon wasn’t serious, just rolled his eyes at him. “Oh no, what will I do now that you’ve uncovered my dastardly plot?”

“I liked you a lot more when you didn’t know what humour was,” Simon retorted. “But yeah, would you do it?”

“I guess,” Alec replied. To be honest, he actually had been curious about Simon’s friend ever since he had met the mundane. What warlock would take the risk of Clave censure for a six-year-old boy and would continue their relationship through so many years? Simon never spoke of having to give anything in return – the little he spoke about his friend was always full of respect and adoration. Alec would like to meet the person that according to Simon could do nothing wrong. “He won’t turn me in a toad, will he?”

“Only if he doesn’t like you,” Simon grinned. “So, let’s pay for our stuff and then go.”

Five minutes later they were back on the street, making their way through the crowd.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Alec wanted to know.

“There’s a portal a few blocks over,” Simon replied. “He has them all over the city, but they can only be opened by special keys.” He held up a chain that hung around his neck. “Lucky for us, I have one.”

The portal Simon led them to was located in an abandoned side street. The walls were defaced by countless overlaying graffiti, some proclaiming the end of the world, some calling for the toppling of the government while others just insulted whoever passed by. The garbage cans were overflowing with trash, the heavy buzz of hundreds of flies filling the air. It smelt terrible.

“Here it is,” Simon said, pointing towards a closed door that was covered with dozens of posters, most of which had already faded. He walked up to the door. Alec didn’t see what exactly he was doing, obstructed as his view was by Simon, but when the door opened it did so not to a desolated hallway like Alec had expected but to the purple vortex of a portal.

“Last time to back out,” Simon remarked, turning back to Alec. The Shadowhunter just shook his head.

“Let’s go.” And then they stepped through the portal.

It was the first time that Alec used one. He had seen them, of course, in the Institute, but he had never been allowed to actually enter on. He had imagined that he would feel something, maybe a pull or a little bit of electricity dancing over his skin, but it was nothing like that. It was like stepping through an ordinary door, lasting only a split-second without eliciting any sort of emotional response from him.

The first area of the warlock’s mansion Alec saw was a long hallway: The floor was outlaid with dark wood that reflected the light that shone from the expensive looking chandeliers hanging above. The walls were painted in some kind of red. Izzy probably knew how that particular colour was called, but to Alec it was just red.

There were pictures on the wall along the hallway, their frame made of gold that shone bright as if something was illuminating it from behind. The strands of gold were interwoven into intricately patterns that Alec was unable to follow as they seemed to move right in front of his eyes, even though the moment he tried to concentrate on a certain point, they would stop.

Alec recognised the scenes that the pictures showed from his many lessons at the Institute: There were angels, with wings of the purest white, holding swords and expression full of determination as they fought against terrible monsters, with claws instead of fingers, tails, forked tongues and horns on their forehead. Then it changed to humans fighting the hordes of demons. Jonathan Shadowhunter receiving his angelic gifts from the angel Raziel. The Downworlders allying themselves with the Shadowhunters to fight against the demons. The signing of the Accords.

They were all painted in such vivid detail that Alec had the feeling that they were real – that their eyes were following him as he followed Simon further along the hallway. It made the hair on his back stand up.

Every now and then the pictures wouldn’t show angels and demons, but people. Women in beautiful gowns of varying colours and styles or men in uniform, their gaze cool as they appraised the onlooker.

“He’s probably in one of his living areas,” Simon whispered. “He likes making people come to him.” He turned left into another hallway at which end there was double door which he pushed open with one swift move.

“Magnus!” Simon shouted. “We’re here!”

“Come in, come in,” a voice came from behind the open veranda doors that led out onto a wide balcony. And then the owner of said voice stepped through the door.

Simon’s warlock friend was in no way what Alec had imagined. To be honest, Alec had absolutely no idea how he had imagined the warlock to look like, but it certainly wasn’t like that. The man was at least two heads bigger than him and the first word that sprung to his mind when Alec looked at him was lithe. Each of his movements was filled with an effortless grace that could only derive from the kind of subconscious self-assurance you gained after centuries of walking this world. Looking at this poise, this self-control, made Alec feel like a peasant in front of a king.

The warlock’s skin was darker than Alec’s or Simon’s, his eyes brown eyes brought out by the carefully applied charcoal make-up on his skin. As far as Alec could see they were brown, but every now and then a yellow flash would shine through. He was clothed in a finely embroidered cloak that was probably older and more worth than anything Alec knew, and his hands were adorned by countless bracelets and rings.

The man exuded sophistication and power in a way Alec remembered only the High Inquisitor of the Clave had when she visited the New York Institute many years ago. Alec was standing in the presence of someone who knew of his might and how to use it.

But then the man smiled, and it was as if all that aura melted off him. Suddenly he seemed as approachable as the best friend you always wanted to have.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” he spoke, and his voice sounded like chocolate ice melting on your tongue. “Simon told me much about you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Alec replied. To his ears his voice sounded like nails scratching over a blackboard compared to the smoothness of the warlock.

“Ah, but where are my manners,” the man continued. “Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn.” He offered his hand.

“Alexander Lightwood.” Alec took it.

“Oh, I know.”

* * *

  **Ten Years Later**

* * *

From up here New York looked quite peaceful. A sea of lights, stretching endlessly in every direction and above it the stars and moons that seemed to mirror those lights up in the sky. Alec knew, though, that New York wasn’t peaceful, never had been and never would be. Millions of people seeking money, fame and love made the city a perfect breeding ground for greed, vanity and hate, but also challenged everyone to do their best.

He didn’t know how exactly Magnus had done it, but up here on the balcony he couldn’t hear a single sound of the city. No roaring car engines, no rails rattling as a subway passed over them, no horns honking or sirens in the distance. The only thing he could hear was the soft movement of the curtains behind him; the only thing he could feel the soft breeze on his exposed torso as he looked down upon the city.

“Alexander, what are you doing out here?” Alec turned around to see Magnus standing in the doorway, wearing one of his colourful sleeping robes, only loosely held together by a thin belt.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Alec replied. As the moonlight shone down on Magnus and gave his skin an otherworldly glow, he thought again how lucky he had been to find this man and fall in love with him. All the people in the world and he had found the right one, with whom he wanted to grow old and found a family with. It made Alec’s chest feel like it would burst with happiness and joy.

Ten years ago, he would have never thought that he would one day have a loved one of his own.

How things had changed since then.

“Any particular reason for that?” Magnus asked. He walked up to Alec and wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his head on his shoulders.

“No, not really,” Alec replied, basking in the warlock’s presence. He could feel the other man’s chest pressed against his back, could feel his faint heartbeat and the warmth emitting from him. This was how home felt like. “I was just thinking about how we met and the events leading up to it.”

“Ah, I remember,” Magnus chuckled, the vibrations reverberating through his chest. “You were so scrawny back then.”

“Hey,” Alec protested weakly. “I was a teenager. And if I remember correctly, Simon caught you staring quite a few times once I hit my growth spurt.”

“Don’t remind me,” Magnus moaned, hiding his face in Alec’s neck. “You’d think a warlock of my renown would have nothing to be embarrassed about, but those moments were one of the most horrifying in my life.”

“But only because it was Simon,” Alec laughed.

“I wasn’t the one not able to look the other in the face for a whole week after he walked in us making out,” Magnus teased him, and Alec could feel the heat rising to his cheeks.

“Let’s just forget all of it,” he suggested weakly.

“As you wish,” Magnus chuckled. Silence settled over them and Alec enjoyed just being able to hold Magnus close and enjoy the other man’s presence. Over the last few moments those moments of calmness and solitude had been few and had often been disrupted by one world ending event or another.

Right now, though, everything seemed perfect.

“Do you think it’ll last?” Alec wondered out loud. “After Valentine, Lilith and Sebastian…I just feel like there’s always a new world-ending danger lurking behind the horizon.” Magnus let go off him, took him by the shoulders and turned him around, so that their faces were only a few centimetres apart.

“I can’t promise you that nothing will ever happen again,” he replied. “As much as I would like to.” He took Alec’s hands in his. “But there is one thing I can promise you, Alexander. That whatever might come in the future, we will face it together. Because I love you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood.”

“I love you, too,” Alec replied and then he pressed his lips on Magnus’.

His lover tasted like cinnamon, black tea and the electricity of his magic. He tasted like home, like shelter, like security.

He tasted like the future Alec never thought he could have.

Above them the moon shone on.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are love <3 
> 
> And maybe check out the rest of the series?


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